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A post for the ages.

Diego and I went to Cliffs today.

I feel pretty sick, but its a good sick… a sick feeling like you accomplished all the rides you were able.

We always have to fight about things like this… like Cliffs. He’s so anxiety filled about rides that he was really angry this morning. Which made me feel like crap for wanting to go. He just gets angry.. .thats like his go to emotion. So after literally fighting for an hour about it, we decided its probably best we go.

SO he had to ride some starting rides to get him use to it, and that actually made me sick.

Let me stuff that down with fries!!

Didnt work.

Riding the water rides will help this! (no)

Finally we rode the rollar coaster… the thing he hates. And he was laughing by the end of it! He keeps freaking out, but i swear all it takes is just a little bit of pushing and he can be calmer. Now next year… i dunno. Maybe by then we can afford Disneyland 6flags or something.

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angry scared kitteh

Friends come back into my life just as easily as they go out. 

I’m such a paranoid closed off person that I can easily decide if I will put effort into the relationship or not. A lot of friends, or acquaintances  just really message me. I rarely ever start the conversation with someone i dont think will care about me in the long run. Which is sorta sad since i dont then give them the chance to care and cut it off before it can become better.

I have a friend thats pops in and out, and sometimes it gets really tiring to act like i care. I do. On some level. but i never know what to say. “hows life?” “thats neat, new bf? Hows he treating you? Hows your family? tell me?” i dunno how to do it.

I meet a lot of people on the internet as well. Some are now in my life and i get all worked up over their lives and loves and hates and feel like im reading a novella. I also make friends who talk to me constantly for a bit then when they know I have a boyfriend they leave… i guess those arnt friends either. Boys are stupid. and friends are weird.

A summer so far.

A week or two.. or three into my summer and im really finding out what i really am. With nothing to do i job hunt, internet, and try to entertain myself so i stay sane. I do feel like i should be stressing over something. Im too used to it. So i pick at little things in my life. Diego, people, and things i can control. It gets really tiring. Just wishing to be busy with bettering myself is needed, but i use every excuse not to… maybe including this post. I just really dont wanna play pretend outside right now. Its just not what i wish to do with me.

I made a few more things for me to do for tomorrow and people to see. I think getting out will be better for me then to ruminate here.

 

 

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all pretty damn fine

Well hello there?!

Glad to see i havent died? Me too.

I wanna tell you a little bit about my day… my first unoffical off of semester day:

First at midnight i was waiting in the car reading Catching Fire while Diego was getting his long awaited for Diablo 3. I was excited because i always like seeing the girl characters… Sadly you cant customize them… but not like i was going to even play in the first place.

After we got the game we headed back home where i found how neat skype is with Amber and Ryan. Sadly the three couldnt sign on to their game because of massively massive teens and people who have been waiting since the 2nd Diablo rushing to all play the game. So i listened fondly to my friends and wondered why i never used skype before, considering that my phone never has bars in my house anyways. I finished the book and couldnt stay awake any longer.

I woke up at 4pm. Which actually really sucked since i thought i was going to get more time for me.

I played Aion pretty much until now. (its 1:55am) to let Diego see is Diablo is being better and Diego can play more. I realized that in order for me not to sleep till 5 or something tomorrow i am going to have to stay up all night and all day tomorrow.

I let myself be really unproductive today so i could get the urge out of the way while tomorrow i will clean and apply for more jobs.

Lets hope i can stay awake all day tomorrow.

Mini naps for sure.

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feeeeeeafk

im just about to take my second to last exam. (o.O) but since i have a few minutes im going to update on all my stupidness.

I think its the moon. 

Im serious. The moons been closer then it had ever been and my feelings are just so wonky (for lack of a better word). 

I think ive been spending too much time on the internet trying to get away because im putting a lot of value in superficial friendships of the internets kind. I keep thinking they hate me and i need to do something for them to like me… so im constantly chatting people up. Even on facebook i decided that if im messaging them and they dont message back im deleting them, which i have to a ton of people. Then im being even MORE paranoid and checking blogs, and facebook several times wondering if people are talking about me. Im getting jealous for no reason, and ive just been feeling  really out of it. Just all around mean. Not bitchy… but feeling observed and that makes me not want to say anything. and by that i mean i think people are avoiding me. 

So i get upset and freak out, but only in my head because im contentious about how others perceive me. 

I think… after finals i will be able to relax a bit. Im pushing myself away from the real world and interpreting things that dont need to be done. Welp… see you on the surface. 

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A conversation on my predicament.- my entire life in one chat.

Today
The places you sent look promising.
oh good! sorry i havent sent you more. Ive been busy with studying for finals… well procrastinating now.. but i think i deserve a beak..
lol Ya leah has one more final due tomorrow and she is done. When are you done?
erm… by thursday unofficially. but i have two finals that day so im scrambling to make sure i organized the notes.
Good Luck! I will feel your pain next spring when I am back in school.

When do you finish?
hahaha. yay pain! we all share that. and i finish in december. dont ask what im going to do…cause i really have nooo idea.
Are you going to get your masters?
pffft. yes and no. If i apply and get accepted yes. if i dont… then no. The chances of being able to with my grades and the fact im a BA and not a BS is low but im sure i might find something.
Never hurts to try. You never know you might get in.
im in that transitional peroid where i think a job means more to me then a masters. I may change my mind but haveing no money propells that. hahaha. I mean if i can get a meaningful counselorish job somewhere then i’ll be happy. From all my classes i learned that helping medicating the masses isnt something i want to do. Maybe something a little more proactive (like social work but NOT social work) that probably pays less because of it.
Well just do what is going to make you happy. That is the important thing.
exactly. now to figure that out.
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My cat Hunter and his tube of joy.

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Guess, just guess…

Guess what i did today?

  1. Took my mythology final. It was bittersweet. I really liked that class even with all her weird coming out of nowhere symbolism.
  2. came home and since Diego had lovingly cleaned part of the house last night decided to finish cleaning.
  3. turned the pandora up loud and started laundry.
  4. Mom came to visit bringing meat. Diego helped her shop, and yay meat!
  5. after visiting and all that, continued to clean and take breaks with Diego on the bed with the A/C in the room.
  6. watched a few episodes of Dr Who, while doing laundry. I’ve cried my eyes out a few times now.
  7. Thinking about starting the mix of seafood and eating seafood!
  8. well, first i have to finish cleaning. Cleaning 2 rooms has already taken me 3 hours.
  9. I think i might stay up late just to hang out.

 

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Finals

I am so close to being done I can smell it. The stinky of being outside, and earning money, and swimming in the pool.

I write a lot about my academic life on here. You’d think id write more about things, but I don’t. School takes up a big part of my life and I don’t often write about the other things. So. I decided that I should start figuring the little things into my life. Just more then I would. I often take pictures and never get to share them, or see friends and keep it to myself. The nice moments that make life a little easier and not the stressors that bring me down. I also tend to keep my blogs subject based so I can write as much as I can on that one thing I experienced. Its frustrating for me to think of what i should write next instead of just writing. I am tired of doing what I do. I need a change.

So  as a baby step, to start, The things I found very pleasing for today:

  • Diego made me breakfast this morning as I was getting ready. I was really craving eggs and poof there’s Diego being adorable.
  • While the pups were outside pooping I was sitting and tanning my legs. I need them to get darker.
  • My hair is black again, and all is right with the world.
  • I wore earings that I have been meaning to wear for a while. They’re very beautiful and I need more excuses to wear them.
  • Even though my Social Control Theories class was pretty hard I will miss my professor. He was really amazing at giving you the information in a way that was easily understandable. He was also very funny, and laidback.
  • I enjoy eavesdropping. While attempting to do homework I listened to an entire conversation of two girls about everything from Gilmore girls, to biology. I can’t help it, but it really is a habit.
  • Even though today is hot I feel really good about how beautiful the day is.
  • Sitting in a new building just so I could walk through campus.
  • I didn’t buy a snack today, even though a really, really wanted to.
  • I will attend my child psychopathology class for the last time today (thank god).
  • I will come home and some of the dishes will be done, which will help me to become more proactive in cleaning.